Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
