Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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