everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
