so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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