It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
