She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
