can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
