my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
