I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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