Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
