i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
