That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
