Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need water and some morals
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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