apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
