And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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