I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
