I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
