ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
