We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
