So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
