we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
