is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
