you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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