38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I intend to get homeless drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
