Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
