So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
