He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
