I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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