Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
