They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize