Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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