It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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