i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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