the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
