I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
