So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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