Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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