If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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