it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
