its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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