i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
