ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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