I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
