If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
