Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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