So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
