stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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