you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
