She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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