Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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