Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize