I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
