I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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