thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
