I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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