My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize