I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
