I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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