he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
