Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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