My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
