Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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