I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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