It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
