I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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