His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
