fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
