He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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