Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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