Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
