U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
