you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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