at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
