thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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