i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
